2 Peter 3:9 ” The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”
Your journey is meant to bring you closer to God even when it feels the exact opposite, for He wants to bring you closer to Him and doesn’t want to lose you.
I have doubted God over and over again in our struggles. I’ve so often told Him that I COULDNT DO THIS, and that I couldn’t handle it anymore. Obviously that’s not true because God will not give us more than we can take. Through all of this I can say without a single doubt: God has been with me, and hasn’t left.
But…… I’m ashamed of my attitude and at times reactions of it all. I let myself get bitter at times, and judge parents who I thought didn’t deserve to be. ( Who am I to say who deserves something, or that I would deserve it more than someone else.) I allowed anger in my heart, and thought I shouldn’t have to wait. No matter what your journey, its part of a carefully designed wonderful plan to bring us to Christ, if we choose to have the right waiting attitude.
Do you believe this? Are you willing to wait with a good attitude? When you look back on your journey (even if your still in the middle of it) what will you see? More importantly what do you want to see? Are you able to say” Lord no matter what, I WILL PRAISE YOU?”
Heavenly Father, I will praise You! Lord forgive my attitude and revive it into an attitude of joy. So many of Your children have had to wait and we can see that there is such an amazing purpose for it all. May we trust in Your plan. In Jesus Name, with love and praise. AMEN.
With love: The Hopeful Wife
Well I must say I have been caught up by the chaos of Summer… so hopefully you will forgive me for not posting in the last while. Camping trips, spending time with loved ones and other various projects have been keeping me busy. It was a blessing though, and it helped keep my mind off infertility.
Now that life has calmed down for a bit, it hit me again. In all honesty it makes me feel like a failure. So I’m just sitting here wondering why my body doesn’t do what its supposed to. Why don’t I have regular cycles? Why cant I seem to get pregnant yet when so many other woman can? Why do I have to wait, while others are begging for a break? Why do the people who want to be parents so badly have to wait?
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14
O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. Psalm 136:1
I have so many questions, and it seems like so few answers. My comfort is Christ. My comfort is knowing that God has mercy on me, and hasn’t left my side. Simply put, I’m not a failure not in His eyes. So when your questioning God or your body, or the journey of infertility remember that His plans are good. God sees, He knows, always hears, and loves you beyond measure!
The Hopeful Wife
“But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt”.
Recognize this story? If not read Genesis 19! This verse in particular has been popping up in my mind the last while. Lot’s wife looked back when she knew she shouldn’t, and in doing so lost her life! It seemed like she just couldn’t let go.
This verse brought me to a revelation of sorts about my life, and I hope it does the same for you as well. How often do I look back and choose to not go forward?
If people hurt me with their comments do I let go, or do I choose to rethink each word they said and hold it against them?
When life doesn’t go the way I planned do I constantly look back, or do I choose to move forward?
If circumstances beyond my control change the path I’m walking on will I choose to keep on trusting God?
I’m sure Lot’s wife also thought that life didn’t go the way she had planned (after all they were leaving their home). I think that her story shows the grave danger of not wanting to let go!
I truly believe that we have to let go of our plans for our life, and trust God with it all ESPECIALLY when you are going through infertility. After all how can we see God’s plan for our future if we are constantly looking back??
With hope for the future ♡ ~The Hopeful Wife
I just went through a very rough week. I knew Mother’s day was coming and that added onto my struggle. I spent most of Sunday’s church service trying to blink away tears. I’ve had a lot of pregnancy announcements in my life the last while by people close to me, and I feel worn down. However God (as always♡) has been working on me , and answering other prayer requests so I can see He is listening. I know He is showing me that He is MORE than able to answer my petitions. His timing is not mine though…. and some day I will understand.
God, I want to thank you for all the blessings you give and the prayers You answer. I don’t always understand why we struggle with infertility but I want to trust in Your will. May You give me the strength and encouragement to continue and give Your peace to those struggling as well. In Jesus Name with love and thanksgiving. Amen.
With love ~ The Hopeful Wife
People are often confused as to what a Mennonite is so I thought I would briefly give you a bit of history.
The term Mennonite comes from Menno Simons who was a catholic priest in 1536 in the Netherlands. During and even before the priesthood, he never read the Bible. When he started getting questions about the bread and wine at the Lord’s supper, he went into deep study of the Bible. Shortly after he heard about the Anabaptists, his brother being one of them and he started studying infant baptism. He believed it to be wrong and so he left the Catholic Church, was baptized again and became a minister. The followers of Menno Simons were called Mennonites.
Some of the things they believed in were (and still are):
- voluntary adult baptism
- No swearing of oaths
- No violence/ pacifists
- Separation from state/and the world
- Communion for believers
- Shunning or excommunication for believers who were unrepentant of their sins
The Mennonites were greatly persecuted at that time by the Catholic Church. Mennonites, Hutterites and Amish all come from the same original Anabaptist group. Jacob Hutter (Hutterites), Menno Simons (Mennonites) and Jacob Ammen (Amish).
The main reason for the split of these groups was because they couldn’t agree on how strictly the church should enforce the rules of the church.
Further down the line, due to persecution, they migrated to the Ukraine, Prussia, Russia and some other countries. Some immigrated to North America already at this time. (My family lineage comes from Russia.) When persecution started there, they migrated to Canada. With time the state wouldn’t allow the Mennonites to have their own private schools, so some of them picked up and moved to Mexico. Some stayed in the U.S.A and some stayed here in Canada. The term Mexican Mennonite is somewhat incorrect for all of us because we originate from all different parts of the world. Many have never even been to Mexico. My great grandparents were born in Saskatchewan.
So that is some basic history. In the future I plan to share a bit more about our culture and maybe go into a bit of a deeper explanation of the difference between Mennonites, Amish and Hutterites.
Some good books on the topic of the persecution during Menno’s time or just about Mennonites and Menno Simons in general are:
Not Regina by Christmas Carol Kauffman (Fiction)
Menno Simons: His Life, Labours and Teachings
The Mennonites: A Brief History of Their Origin and Later Development in Both Europe and America
Scripture: Psalm 51, Luke 7:36-44
“Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10
I’ve prayed these words over and over and I think I will many more times. It seems I never fully accept that He will fulfill what He is saying here. I feel as my though my sins or trespasses are to terrible and often to forgive….I have a hard time forgiving myself sometimes so I find it hard to fathom that our perfect Jesus would. Even though time and time again, He reminds me of His love and mercy. I just felt my sins were to great. But then He showed me this:
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“Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
Jesus loves us so much, that He died for our sins. All that He asks is that we LOVE ♥
He has forgiven me! My sins are great and many but He wants to forgive them all. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to love Him for. I need to STOP wallowing in self-pity and guilt. I was created to serve the Lord. My sins are buried and forgiven no matter how terrible they are.
My Jesus loves me. My Jesus forgave me. My Jesus will come for me.
“Since all have sinned and are saved only by grace through faith we should love God with our whole heart and present our bodies as a living sacrifice.”
-Our gratitude should inspire us to lifelong love and service to God and His Son.
Bumpy roads are bound to come, on our journey of life’s road. But Lord give me strength to over come and reach that final destination. Don’t let me get buried deep in a pothole that was dug to hinder me. Help me, instead focus on the beautiful along the road and the Son, ahead of me. In Jesus’ name. Amen
My heart is aching as Mother’s Day is coming around. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried, or tried to keep myself from crying. So this post is more for the mothers out there…. and what I would like you to remember this Mother’s Day.
- Remember that your child is a true blessing and a gift from God.
- Remember that your worst days as a mother are ones that someone struggling with infertility is simply dreaming about!
- Remember all the ones out there struggling with infertility and send up a prayer for them because Mother’s Day is just like a knife in the heart; a reminder of what we don’t have….
Please do not misunderstand motherhood is challenging (but rewarding) and definitely has its moments of frustration, tears and heartaches as well. I only want to remind you because I’ve seen so many moms take it for granted. I have seen so many moms brush aside their children, or tell their children to leave them alone (though I do get that mom’s need their alone time). I have seen Mom’s use only discipline and very rarely love, or the other way around where the love they give is given with items not actions.
I am NOT trying to criticize, I just want to encourage you to count your blessings! Those little feet running around is just a dream for some.♡
With love ~ The Hopeful Wife
The sum of our journey with infertility (so far) was not an easy post for me to write. As me and my husband were talking about our journey it became painfully obvious that our desire has yet to be fulfilled. It hurts knowing we are not closer to our dream after a few years….
Our journey starts with us being okay if we didn’t have kids right away. We didn’t think much of it when we didn’t get pregnant right away because of that fact. Around our one year anniversary my cycle acted up like crazy, which ended up with a trip to the emergency room. I ended up being treated for cysts. At that time the doctor also ended up testing me for ovulation knowing that me and my husband were trying to conceive at that point, and the results were negative. That’s when we got our first prescription for Clomid which we decided not to use as we were not ready to try any other methods yet. We didn’t know( or think) that our journey would be far from over.
Since my cycle kept bothering me I went to another doctor who referred me to an Infertility doctor saying it could take up to six months (maybe more) to get in. Surprisingly I think it only took a bit over a month.
So we met with the Fertility Dr. and got our answer back after some tedious, uncomfortable and sometimes painful tests. I wasn’t ovulating….which we already knew!
We decided to try Clomid. I went through two rounds of Clomid and sadly no success.
Today we are hoping, praying, waiting for our little blessing, keeping busy and doing our best to work for God’s kingdom!♡
With love, The Hopeful Wife